I’m slowly giving up on life and I don’t know how to change it 

I’m lost in life. I am really not happy with the things in my life I don’t know what to do. But even then I feel so powerless to do anything against it because I can’t afford to do those jumps.

Today I cried because of that. A lot. Also at work because I’m fed up with the state of art in the last 3 years. Something went wrong at work and my brother also slapped me across my face telling me to stop whining around. I immediatly left work and walked home. 

I also did dream about my ex again… This time around she was already married in the dream. My heart is seriously aching all the time I can’t take it anymore. 

Studying chemistry sucks but quitting it would be too much of a waste of time and especially money. I wished my family would support me more on my artsy side but they never will.

I’m hoping for better times. But until then the wind is blowing against me. I wonder when I will severely break. 

I can’t sleep.


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